inarticulate sparkle.

Bro, seriously. What a waste of my fucking time. Yeah, you hurt me, but I am not sad anymore… now I’m angry. I had the purest of intentions, and I never lied to you, I never did anything wrong. I would have stood by your side for as long as I could stand.

I don’t really do astrology. I know I’m a Capricorn which makes me a workaholic, cold hearted bitch. Allegedly. I heard via the thousand TikTok videos that came across my feed that mercenaries were in gatorade or some shit, which apparently meant that your ex was coming back to you. I gave it a solid week of no contact before I sent you a text. It was the longest week of my life, at the time. I’ll be honest, I thought I was blocked and that you were never going to see that text. It would have been better if I were right.

This asshole responded right away. He said, “I’ve been thinking about you a lot.” I should not have entertained the conversation…

I got one week of time with you. One week of forehead kisses, Texas Roadhouse dinners, sweaty primal sex, and bullshit. I never should have believed you when you told me you loved me. I don’t know if you ever did. I hope that it was real… it felt like it was. But when you said, “We don’t have an emotional connection,” I know you heard my heart sink.

“You knew this was all physical. And we do have a strong physical connection!” His words felt cold, like a knife being plunged into my chest.

“What do you mean?” (I was sobbing uncontrollably at this point) “Why would you tell me you loved me??” I didn’t know, but the next sentence that came out of his mouth will be the last time I ever allow him to speak to me.

“Well… I have love for you Lauren.”

---

I quickly whimpered that I couldn’t do this, and that I was sorry (for what? loving you?) and I hung up to phone. I immediately blocked his number, deleted him off social media, and deleted his contact from my phone. That way I knew I had no way to be weak and reach out to him. He does not deserve my tears.

The same man who told me I made him believe in love again, just shattered my heart into a million pieces.

Fuck all the way off, Daniel.

Or, as you said so politely, “I wish you all the best.”

I don’t.

I hope one day you understand that the woman crying on the other end of the phone was not crying because she was weak. She was crying because she believed you. Because you asked to be trusted, and I trusted you. Because you said love, and I thought you meant love.

That is not my embarrassment to carry.

It is yours.